You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
