we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
