I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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