u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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