I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize