I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
