In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
