no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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