we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
