ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
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Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize