he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
