So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
