There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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