I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Found the puke drawer
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
