Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
