does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
