you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
