mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
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