he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize