Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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