Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
