My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
