I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
