Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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