I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Randomize
