i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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