I must be too annoying 4 u.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
