Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just made out with a guy for $7.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I have feelings that need drinking.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
