I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
