walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Randomize
