i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
