We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
