if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
