how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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