And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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