I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
