No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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