I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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