Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
