So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Randomize
