The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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