Sry I called you an 8
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
