Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I have feelings that need drinking.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
