the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
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Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
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I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
You had me at "let me see your balls"
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.