I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
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sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger