I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
