Betty ford says i'm here all night
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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