i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I want to fling myself into the sun
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Randomize
