I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
