Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Randomize
