FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i wish my penis had a tongue
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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