omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
this just has baby written all over it
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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