Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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