I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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