just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
