Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
