I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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