Girls should come with a carfax report
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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