Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
