she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
