What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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