Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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