She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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