I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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